The Decision to Share
We entered the infertility journey silent, scared, and alone. After struggling in seclusion with the weight of it hanging over us for more than a year, we finally began opening up. Slowly we told a few friends and some close family members. In some we found strength, in others, we were disappointed.
Once we conceived, announcing our pregnancy without giving a voice to the struggle seemed like an injustice – an injustice to what we’d been through and to what so many who struggle, go through. We discussed in depth whether we should share and concluded we had to.
The day we shared our exciting news publicly, we included a link for friends, family and colleagues to access the blog. Hitting “share” was terrifying. Looking back now, it has been one of the most gratifying decisions we’ve made.
We had hoped people would read and some would relate, and those who couldn’t relate would atleast gain an understanding about a struggle too seldom spoken of.
What we didn’t expect was for so many people to reach out, and to share their own personal stories.
It’s interesting to me that by choosing to share, be open, and vulnerable, others now view us as a safe place to share secrets they’ve been holding to themselves.
My husband and I have received feedback from friends and strangers who’ve experienced everything from multiple miscarriages, to unexplained infertility, to homosexual couples’ experiences with conception, to a woman’s struggle with post partum depression, to Grandparents who’ve reached out just to say their child struggled to conceive as well. Clearly having someone to relate to, is powerful.
We’ve also heard time and again from people, that they’ve shared the blog with friends they know who are struggling. Why? Because we all just want to be understood and heard. People want to be validated in what they are doing and what their struggles are. There’s comfort in similarities and to know that we’ve comforted friends and strangers just by being honest, and vulnerable, is heart warming.
As for people who can’t relate, and didn’t struggle to conceive, many have notified us the common question “when are you having children?” is one they will no longer ask thanks to this previous post. That’s a question that broke my heart so many times and to know it might be asked less frequently, sparing those who are struggling from some of the misery, is so gratifying.
We also shared because we now realize there’s no shame in our journey but rather – pride. We’re proud that side by side we travelled a rough road and did everything in our power to achieve what we desired.
While sharing publicly may not be for everyone, I would encourage anyone on this journey to share at least with a few people they’re close with or to actively seek others who are struggling, and share with them. It’s empowering to live truthfully and to help others in doing so.